Child, Kid & Teen Depression Counseling: Grief or Loss

The unfortunate loss of a family member, pet or friend will leave both adults and children mourning. Sometimes other changes – like moving to a new town or changing schools – can feel like a significant loss to a child. Just as adults can grieve the loss of “what used to be,” children also grieve.

While children may experience the same phases of grief that adults typically do (shock/denial, pain/guilt, anger/bargaining, and depression/sadness), they often have difficulty knowing how to cope with their sadness, confusion and anger. Parents may see grieving children:

• become more emotionally and behaviorally challenging at home and at school
• become defiant, irritable or aggressive toward peers and siblings
• have difficulty concentrating in the classroom or feeling motivated to do their schoolwork
• have increased emotional outbursts, worries, fears, separation anxiety or regressive behaviors.

Providing a positive, supportive relationship with a grieving child will help them to express their grief. Parents can support their child’s emotional expression by:

• Ask direct open-ended questions (“How are feeling about grandpa’s death?”). Model emotion expression (“I am feeling sad about grandpa’s death today. I wonder how you are feeling?”). This communication helps children know that upset emotions can be tolerated.
• Encourage children to ask their questions about the loss. Answering these questions with concrete language (“He died” vs. “He passed away”) will help minimize a child’s misconceptions about the loss.
• Support a child’s need to maintain a connection to the missed person, place or pet by often speaking of them.
• Empower children to choose how to honor the loss (e.g, creating keepsakes of the loved one or remembering birthdays).
• Consider local grief support groups to help connect your child with peers who have also experienced loss.
• Enlist the help of a mental health professional to help treat prolonged, significant grief.

Thankfully, children are resilient and can heal from loss, with consistent support.