How do I support my child through change?
Help Your Child Process Upcoming Changes:Â
Change Journal
Changes can bring lots of big feelings in children. Help them handle these emotions with a journaling activity.
- Sit with your child and write or draw about what the change looks like.
- Examples: a picture of the new baby, new home, upcoming travel.
- Make a list with your child of what will change.
- For example: new house, new school, different schedule, baby will take some of your attention, etc.
- Make a list of what will stay the same.
- Examples: have the same bed and toys, still do fun things together, etc.
- Emphasize while there are external changes, your love for them will not change.
- Make a list of feelings about the upcoming change.
- Remember all feelings are valid.
- Your child might be feeling more than one thing at a time. For example, they might be excited for a new baby and nervous. Two seemingly opposites can be true at the same time.
- If you feel comfortable, you can share your feelings too.
Change is a fairly constant part of life. While caregivers can try to reduce change, inevitably some routine will shift and affect a child emotionally, as well as behaviorally.
Family changes that create challenges include:Â
- Moving to a new home or city
- A family trip or a caregiver’s absence
- Parents separation or divorce
- Adding a new sibling
- Starting at a new school
- New jobs or routines for parents
Tips for helping your child with a big transition:
1. Give them as much information and preparation as possible and as is appropriate for their development.
- If it’s a move to a new city, you can show them pictures of your new house, their new school, or a fun park you might visit there.
- If you are having a baby, talk about what a baby might do day or night. Let them know that they will probably cry and sleep a lot. Show them how you’ll care for the baby as you change a diaper or give a bottle – if appropriate share that this is similar to the care they received.
- If partners are separating, explain how it will or won’t affect them specifically – for example where each of you will live, where the child will live and when they will get to spend time with each, if appropriate.
- Providing details can help reduce a child’s anxiety about some of the unknowns.
2. Give your child some decision making power.
- Big changes can make children feel powerless.
- Age appropriate decisions can give them a sense of control.
- Examples include: allow your child to pick out a decoration for their new room, the welcome-home dinner for an away-time or a small gift for the baby.
3. Support and validate whatever feelings arise.
- It is natural for your child to have a range of emotions when faced with big life changes.
- Don’t be afraid of their feelings, allow space for them to share them with you.
- It can help to stay grounded or settle yourself prior to sitting with them.
- Give yourself a safe space to express your emotions with a supportive adult.
4. Stay connected to family and friends.
- Encourage your child to continue to communicate with other safe and supportive adults through video calling, emails or even letters.
- Support your child in communicating with friends or using creative outlets like art and dance or movement to express those feelings..
Children’s books about change
Moving
- Evelyn Del Rey is Moving Away by Maria Medina, Illustrated by Sonia Sanchez
- Goodbye, Old House by Maragret Wild, Illustrated by Ann James
New Sibling
- Nine Months: Before a Baby is Born, by Miranda Paul and Jason Chin
- The New Small Person by Lauren Child
Divorce
- Two Homes by Claire Masurel and Kady MacDonald Denton
- Why Do Families Change? Our First Talk About Separation and Divorce by Dr. Jillian Roberts, Illustrated by Cindy Revell